The tales of extremely salty players on the PBE server
by Nekonyanmeow
Summary: Have you ever been so tilted from a game of League that you were inspired to write a fanfiction about the game? Probably not, but it happened to me anyways. This is a collection of stories that will never be updated because I am terrible at writing (lol). Contains copious amounts of salt, and a TINY bit of artistic choices. Rated M for language. Stupidity of people may horrify you.


This fanfiction is based off of a true story.

* * *

There was once a child named OG xPooks. He named himself so to differentiate himself from all the other xPooks in the land of PBE. One fine evening, OG xPooks felt like an utter scumbag. He chose to play a game of League. Upon entering champ select, he fatfingered typing jg. Just as he was about to say it, he realized it had already been taken. He then shouted MID! But alas, mid was also taken. OG xPooks thought long and hard on the subject of what to play... and he chose to not play at all and ruin the day of 4 other people.

"I'm trolling." OG xPooks proclaimed. He couldn't show his own weakness of not being able to CS with autoattacks, and everybody knew support was boring as fuck. Choosing the summoner spells Ghost and Smite, the vegetable chose to follow the jungler and steal all of his camps as Cho Gath. Little did he know that soon, he would meet his match.

* * *

On the other side of the rift, there was a -pile of salt- little girl named MAGICMIKE1. She was having a bad day. After she failed to get the job as a male stripper, she instalocked Riven and went top. She took a look at the enemy team. Shyvana and Camille both had teleport, but she knew she could beat either in lane, because she was Riven, and Riven was like her sword. A ton of magicky runic bullshit and completely broken (in low elo anyways).

It was not five minutes later that Riven limped out of the fountain, rubbing her recently pounded asshole. Already having a bad day, she decided that the only kind of champion that could 1v1 a stupid and easy champion was a stupider and easier champion. She attempted to taunt the half-dragon, to little avail. Shyvana took the salt in stride, even using some to season the fries that she cooked on Riven's blazing rage. Seeing that her plan didn't work, she hopped onto the nearest War Pony, which tried to carry her heavy ass over the Shyvana. In other words, Hecarim ganked top and took the kill.

"That'll teach him," she thought as she murdered the poor sap in cold blood.

* * *

Walking out of the fountain again a few minutes after the dragon ate her pony, she realized that the gank did not stop the Shyvana from 1v1'ing her. MAGICKMIKE1 knew that she could definitely kill an early game powerhouse duellist with ignite because MAGICMIKE1 was Riven.

* * *

She couldn't defeat the Shyvana 1v1.

* * *

OG xPooks was surprised. He had expected salt from a Riven player, but this was on a whole new level. A feeding dimond1rivenmain was complaining about not being able to make LC$ BIG PLAY$$ when her team was carrying her so hard that his team's Camille jumped off the rift with her parting words being "this team sucks i'm afking". Nobody had ever done that before in the history of DOTA.

OG xPooks knew he had to 1up her somehow, as only he was the OG xPooks, and the other xPooks were all fakes. So he stole all of his jungler's camps and blamed him for being underleveled and a bad jungler. He laughed at the pitiful display of an underfarmed Udyr tried to help his team by ganking, failing miserably, and showed his Tyler1 Alpha dominance by Q'ing the salty Riven, who was too busy raging in allchat to use her stupid mobility to dodge.

He eventually lost the 2v4 battle, but he felt a bit better about himself by showing his masculine superiority to a stranger over the internet in a video game by making his day miserable.

* * *

-10 months later-

Riven knocked on Cho Gath's door. The recent nerfs hit hard, and she wasn't getting as much gold every game anymore. She waited patiently for Cho to answer, rocking the abomination in her arms.

The door opened, and Cho Gath stepped out.

"It's been a while, Cho."

"What are you even doing here? You aren't in meta anymore."

"You owe me child support payments."

"I what?"

"For that time you knocked me up 10 months ago. Look at your son... daughter... thing."

Cho Gath closed the door and ran back into the void, never to be seen again.

* * *

OG xPooks and MAGICMIKE1 married, and moved to Salt Lake City.

The end?


End file.
